i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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