I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
