i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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