I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
