Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He did a backflip because drugs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
