I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
how does that bad decision feel?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
