That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
