I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
