Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
