Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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