yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
