I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
