At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
