I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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