I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize