Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
