I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize