I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
