He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
