I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
