Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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