I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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