Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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