i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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