Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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