I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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