Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
