There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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