She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
