she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
