I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
