I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
