My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
