Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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