Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
