i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
