btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize