as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
