Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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