My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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