Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
