my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
