i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
