don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
