I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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