Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
