theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
