his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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