Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
People in love make me want to vomit
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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