Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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