I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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