So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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