In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
