I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
