I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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