very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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