who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
