I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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