how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Mom said you looked used
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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