Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
