they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
