I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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