she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dignity is for republicans.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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