everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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