So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
