he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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