I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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