The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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