Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
