if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Houston, we have a blender
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
