I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
