It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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