Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
