Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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