Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
