That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
