shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
